Most people never reach the point of doing their own creative work. Instead, they spend their entire lives fulfilling the dreams of other people.
Three years ago, I got tired of working for other people and found the courage to move in my own direction. Since then, I've taken steps to put myself in a position where I'm free to pursue my own dreams and create my own life's work.
Along the way, I've noticed an interesting phenomenon. It's strange, but I think there's a part of me that would actually prefer to be told what to do instead of being free to do what I want.
Of course, whenever I'm feeling the crunch of other people's expectations, I long for more freedom and self-expression. But when that freedom actually stands within my reach, I balk.
I bump into this paradox most often on days when I have few obligations and my schedule is wide open for me to choose. Rather than eagerly jumping into my own creative process, I hesitate and have to fight the urge to waste the day on Netflix.
After having worked so hard to free myself from the parameters of someone else's dictum, why would I hesitate to engage in the work my heart most longs to do? Why would I prefer domestication to the freedom of the wild?
I don't have an answer to this question yet. For now, I'm just sitting with it.