No, I haven’t abandoned the old beliefs,
though I am transcending them.
Why would I renounce the way that came before?
That dusty old path is what led me to this beautiful place, after all.
You can beg me all you want, then.
Question me, search me, interrogate me,
but you won't find any renunciation here.
Only a fragmented life could result from such poor choice
and that's just not my game.
Quietly pick up your tools and go make camp further down the road -
that's more my style.
When wholeness is your destination, integration is the way.
So, I don't care what they think.
Not one word of this story shall be sacrificed to the editor's pen and
not a single chapter will be missing from the final draft in the end.
I am moving on in concentric patterns.
Spiraling every which way, no doubt,
but always, ultimately, leading me upward and out.
As the poet said,
"I live my life in widening circles
that reach out across the world.
I may not complete this last one
but I give myself to it."*
And so I go, onward and upward,
to include and transcend everything I've known before.
Guilt and powerlessness and prohibition may remind me I'm a sinner,
but permission, power and the freedom to choose have made me something more.
* Rainer Maria Rilke, Widening Circles